Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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