I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
