my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
