I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Randomize
