so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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