He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
