I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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