Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
