I hate all girls vehemently.
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
