fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
tell me about the eggs
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