Don't you send me to vm
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
