Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
