i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Randomize
