tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
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