he told me I talked like a deaf person
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
