I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Lo siento on account of my penis...
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
