listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
