You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
