I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
