I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
