my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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