Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
