Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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