4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
