What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
