He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
