sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
