So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
