Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
