you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Why is your signature on my underwear?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Randomize
