You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
