She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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