seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
We are two peas in an std pod
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
