Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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