omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
