Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My dad just said "fuck circus"
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
