I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
