youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Randomize
