TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
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Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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