Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
