We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize