I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
