my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
And then my night got REAL pukey
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Randomize
