Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
