kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
