I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
