Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
