i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
