There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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