Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
