i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Randomize
