OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize