How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
