He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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