im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
