I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Randomize
