My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I touched a dick in church today
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize