Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
