your room smells of hookers.
And success
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
