remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize