Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
