I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm jealous of your bromance
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
