I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
